Here I sit… in a car… looking at my new home…
As I sit here, I’m realizing that life is filled with firsts… first breath… first step… first love… first heartbreak…
I’m about to face one of those firsts.
The Backstory
When my parents were married, they lived on a 40-acre family farm in an old army barracks that my dad had remodeled. In my teen years, they moved a house in next door and remodeled it for us to live in. Once I got married, we tore down the old army barracks house and parked a trailer there. That’s the spot where we later built and the spot I stayed after I ended my marriage.
Yes, that’s right… I’m almost 50 and I’ve NEVER lived anywhere else but this tiny spot of ground.
The Discontent
After the divorce, I just never felt the same about the house. Not only did I hate the 25 minute drive to school/work every day, but it’s 2,500 square feet of an open floor plan that Vallory and I found ourselves rambling aimlessly around in.
To top it off, the ex was a procrastinator who never followed through on anything, so NOTHING was finished… not the kitchen… not the bathrooms… not the bedrooms… nothing… and I woke up every morning with bitterness in my heart that I hated to face because I was constantly reminded of everything that the ex neglected through the years… including his family.
The Stranger
In my unhappiness, I found myself examining my existence. I finally realized that my life boils down to the fact that I’ve ALWAYS been a goody-two shoes. Seriously… I’ve never been one to take chances… I’ve never been drunk… I’ve never been skinny dipping… I’ve never danced with the devil in the pale moonlight… I’ve never done anything with wild abandon… I’ve never done anything truly crazy… Nothing…
I’ve always played the straight and narrow. I’ve always been responsible… dependable… the one to call if there’s trouble… the one… always…
*whispers* And I Don’t Know Who I Am Because Of It.
In contrast to my desire to downsize, my son was living in a tiny rental while longing for a bigger house to entertain his family in.
Maybe it’s a midlife crisis… maybe I’m just crazy… I dunno… but I gave Landon the house to move into with Kenzie and Brittany and told him to do whatever he wanted with it.
They have done absolute wonders. My sage green is gone to be replaced by greys and yellows. New doors… new light fixtures… it’s open, bright, airy and I love it now!
In the meantime, Vallory and I have been living with my parents while I’ve been looking for a place in town. It’s really hard to find a house or apartment in the community I want. The town is one of the best to live in for the area and decent houses or apartments are literally snapped up within a few hours.
After several weeks of maddening searches, I find myself sitting in the drive of an adorable 2 bedroom apartment.
Yep… hold onto your panties… we’re about to become city folks.
The Apartment
It’s a perfect fit for us. Safe neighborhood.
Cutest kitchen EVER! It will make a great backdrop to show you guys what I’m up to in my culinary adventures.
It has two bedrooms, so I’ll miss an office, but I carved out a little nook in the dining area that is perfect. It lets me work while still socializing with Vallory and anyone else that comes over.
TWO BATHROOMS! Teenage girl… makeup… nail stuff… hair stuff… smell good stuff… need I say any more how thrilled I am to have a nice, tidy bathroom of my own? It even has a linen closet!
Nice sized living room. I can see myself lounging on the couch in front of the french doors and writing while sipping a cup of morning coffee!
Life… The Next Chapter
In packing away all of my things, I got rid of tons and tons of stuff. If I picked it up and it didn’t make me happy, it was gone!
When we were done, my entire life was sitting in boxes compressed into one tiny bedroom.
Truth be told, I’m not really sure about this new adventure that I’ve settled on for myself, but I’m willing to find out where I’m going… find out who I am…
I’ve decided to take this opportunity to change whatever I don’t like about my life. Looking back, aside from the full heart that my family brings, it seems like I’ve been living in a state of ‘lack’ and it’s time to live in a state of ‘abundance.’ I’m realizing that my life is mine to live and I can do whatever the heck I want to do!
So what will change? How about almost everything… from weight to culinary skills to travel to organization to home decor to social life to spirituality… I’ve also gutted my business and have only kept the sites that make me smile. Time for a complete shake up!
With That Being Said…
My eye falls on my camera bag. How long has it been since I held it in my hand? How long has it been since the euphoria of creating a photo I love fallen over me? How long since I have just created something for the love of it?
How long have I not known me? Do I remember me? Can I find me again?
